I think this is a word that could best sum up my life a feel at his particular moment. now I'm not looking for pity; I'm simply stating how I feel. Feeling is such a funny word because how you feel is completely dependent on you. Others can hurt me and make me feel a certain way, but I control how long I feel that way and how I react to that feeling.
But right now, I feel disappointed and it's nothing that anyone else has done...it's me.
WHY
If anyone reads this, this will probably ring true for many.
I'M DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE: work is draining the life out of me. I spend so much time at my job that when I get home I am exhausted; mentally and physically.My desire is to do more with my life. to make a difference in the lives of others...but that brings me to my next point;
I'M DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE: I'm a tad bit selfish. not in the literal sense of the word. I don't place me first often, but I do place the wants of my family first. I spend so much time at home fixing and cleaning that it leaves little time for anything else. This however seems to be improving because there are a lot of projects that are mostly done...only little things remain for the most part. everything else that we "want" can be completed by someone else
I'M DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE; I'm not as young as I used to be and I can't function on the little sleep that I get each night. Answer; get more sleep, except that I don't want the day to waste away. I have a nap when I get home, because I need one, but then I'm missing a half hour to an hour of prime time when I could be doing something else. And on the whole age thing, I'm getting old. my mind still thinks its young, but my body and my hair are really arguing with my mind.
I'M DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE: I'm not fulfilling my call to ministry. I am doing ministry at my church, but when I see others able to accomplish so much more, I get an ache in my heart. Time and time again I wish that money wasn't an issue and that I could dedicate myself solely on the needs of others.
I'M DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE: Although I am able to teach into the spiritual lives of others, I often fall behind in the spiritual teaching of myself. With everything that I have pointed out above, I often put my own spiritual life on hold. I know it's a messed up priority thing, but it seems to always happen. What I believe is this: God is first... and He is in my life. I know that whatever happens, It's for His glory. I always give God the credit for everything, but I feel that God is first in background only. That may be a hard statement to admit, but it's how I feel.
You see, I feel like He is involved in EVERY aspect of my life, but in the background. That is why He is first in my life.
Everything else comes second; family, church, work...but these things I have to deal with in the foreground but they affect my life directly. I'm am constantly having to DO things to make these aspects of my life function well.
But this is what I KNOW: God needs to be in the forefront of my life; not sharing the limelight with the other competing forces, but influencing them through me.
How does this happen. How does someone who is called to ministry; who is educated in theology; who has a strong desire to serve and make a difference; How does this person fall behind and get so lost.
in this order...
Selfishness
Lack of discipline
Messed up priorities
Sinful desire
Immersed in a sinful world
Financial obligations
I'm sure their are others...but for now...I pray!
