Why am I waiting?

It's late. I'm back in Saskatoon, contemplating my future.
I've been talking with my mother a lot lately. She tends to be a very reclusive person, but she doesn't want to be. She has great dreams and aspirations of living a life that is far more productive then the one she is living right now. She recently had a heart attack, and because of it wants to live life the way she has always wanted. Never take a moment for granted because you never know when it will be your last moment.
I keep asking her, " what are you doing to change your life?"
You see, I am a firm believer that if you want to change, or to accomplish something different, than you have to make steps towards that change. It's like having a focus; priorities; a goal or end result.
Of course, our circumstances can get in the way of us achieving our goals.
Or maybe we are afraid to change; being caught in the rut of our own existence.
And that brings me back to my future...am I doing anything to change it?
Do I want to change it?
I keep waiting for a miracle...but my fear is that God keeps waiting for me.
I am called to serve him...with that I have no question...
That's all I know...

So what am I waiting for!
What am I waiting for?
Why am I waiting?
 

Where is my commitment? (Romans 6(1-14)

I thought about what I wrote yesterday. Sometimes it does feel like I am trying to work out my salvation. I eas told this weekend that we need to work out our salvation with fear and trembling and I don't think that is quite it. what we need to do is to allow the holy spirit to work inside of us. I mean, he's there right? if we have accepted Jesus for who He is, the Holy spirit is there waiting for the next move. He wants to work. He want to do good. He is constantly reminding us of what we are to do next. weather we listen is another story. It's to easy to ignore the spirit and do what we want. Now if we are committed to following Jesus, we will do what Jesus wants us to do. If we don't, where does our commitment lie.

Sin shall not be my master...(Romans 6:1-14)

So the Bible says "do not offer the parts of your body to sin..." and continues on saying " sin shall not be our master". Being a a slave to something means that you give up any rights that you might have once had. You have to do what the master says, and if that master is sin...then you must sin. Our bodies are sin. It seems strange to say that but thats what Paul says in the first part of Romans 6, as well as elsewhere...but just saying that our bodies are sin is a strange sentence to come out of my mouth. If I went up to anyone on the street, some random stranger and said that your body is sin, I would get some pretty weird glances.
But...knowing that out bodies are sin... makes it even harder to understand how we are to overcome and not let sin be our master. I know that its salvation through grace, and that its nothing that I did, but everything that Jesus did, but then combine that with our sinful bodies and the phrase, Sin shall not be your master; it makes me feel that I have to try harder. Then if I have to try harder, it feels to me like I have to work  at my salvation.  then it becomes about works and not about grace.
But this is what i understand to be true...We are saved by grace...period. My belief in Jesus Christ is my ticket to eternal life. However, my life depends on how I live it. If I believe in Jesus, then I should want to desire to do good and not sin...(which I do), but then the body I live in is sin and struggles with the Godly nature I have chosen.....then it's no longer the Spirit that guides me but the sinful body.
To be connected with the spirit, I have to be
A) always reading my bible...after all, He wrote it
B) going to church and allowing the Spirit to commune with others of the same
C) praying and communing with God myself
D) truly have a Spirit mindset in everything that I say and do

ok...lots to ponder this morning...

I Get the Message! (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

I know...I haven't been on here in awhile. Since December 9 to be exact. It seems over the last few weeks, the only time I have found to read my bible was to read stories to the kids. It's strange, because when I do read the stories, I soak up every word!  Yet, when it comes time for me to read the bible for my own personal use/enjoyment, I falter and I shove the book aside. "I have no time" i tell myself... or "I'm to tired". Or I'll come up with some other lame excuse. AND...to top it all off... the last time I went to church was the week before Christmas. This is another strange thing, because even on our year trip, we always found time for church. In my defense, 2 Sundays were storming, and we didn't want to chance the highways; 2 Sundays I was helping my Brother in law with some construction work; 1 Sunday was a misunderstanding with some family members; but last Sunday i felt we just didn't have time.

It's also difficult when you don't have a real strong church family.

I know...more excuses. I can't make excuses. it's my own fault that I haven't been reading my Bible, and if church was as important to me as some other things, then I would make time for it no matter what.
I have NEVER gone this long without going to church... NEVER! This is totally foreign to me.

Anyway..last night I had a dream that I was being attacked by Satan.... I know, only a dream right, but what if it was more than that. He was relentless... and I kept crying out "no...you can't do this... be he kept doing it and laughing. I even yelled out in my dream that I am a Christian...but the attacks kept coming. It was like I was down for the count and he was there to finish me off, coming at me from every side.
I immediately woke up and prayed. It was hard for me to get back to sleep after that.
And Here I am. I'm no fool. I get the message. "Get your act together Michael and get back into the word". I know I've been out of the word for too long when I  get flustered by a couple of Jehovahs Witnesses.

So today I read 2 Corinthians 12:7-9. It talks about Pauls thorn in the flesh and shares how we are strongest when we are the weakest.
^sigh^
I don't want to be weak. I have got to realize that I can't do this on my own...but OH how I want to try. I am going to be thinking about this all day. What CAN I do and what MUST I leave for God to do...

God's grace is sufficient for me!