Living in a small town has definitely presented some challenges. There are good things about small town living; and there are some decidedly not so good things. Let me start with some of the good things.

Living in a small town will give you a sense of security. I love it when my kids can go to the pool, or to the arena, or to the library, and I don't have to worry about them. They can go and play almost anywhere in town, and I don't have to think too hard about letting them.

The classes are small, so they don't have to worry about getting lost in the crowd. They are able to participate in whatever they want in school.

People tend to be super friendly in a small town. You can walk everywhere. It's quiet living in a small town. You can buy a house in a small town and not worry about going into debt. Taxes are cheaper. Life seems slower. You can usually find someone to help with whatever you need.

But sometimes living in a small town has it's drawbacks as well...

Lives seem to be an open book. Everybody knows everything that happens in a small town. There is a lack of businesses in a small town, so shopping or eating out is limited. The rink and the coffee shop are the "hubs" of activity. Agriculture is the major occupation, and if you don't know anything about agriculture, you are (or at least feel like you are) out of the loop.

Let me tell you a little of my story... It's a personal blog, and I am entitled to my "feelings", so this is how I feel! I am NOT blaming or accusing anyone, but when you have a city attitude and you move to a small town, you start to feel a little discontented...so here goes...

I enjoy my family...I love them more then anything. I see my kids struggle in school ( a small school where the teacher to student ratio is like 4-8 to 1. I don't understand how that can be possible. I see how my child has very few friends. He only has 4 in his class, and yet he doesn't fit in. I see that there is very little Christian influence in my children s life besides their parents, and when they start to get older, they NEED MORE.

I enjoy working. I enjoy and am good at only a few things. I am good at retail, and I love ministering to others in the church. As I eluded to before, I know nothing about agriculture, I am not a mechanic, I am not into sports. I tried carpentry and found out that I can't do that either. Sure, I can renovate minor things at home, but I'm not perfect; I don't have it within me. So when it come down to finding a job in a small town, there are very few options available. I'm not ABOVE these things, if anything I am below because I do not have what it takes. Could I learn these things? Well if the past 40 years has taught me anything, it's that  I know what my strengths are and I know where I am weak.

Maybe my attitude stinks, that's a distinct possibility, but in our short time here I have been hurt (emotionally, I have feelings too) by more people than I have EVER been before. That's no lie.

I have made a few friends and I have been able to share what I believe God has called me to do. And because of that I praise God. On one night a weak  (two now for the next five weeks)I am able to enjoy myself and be happy. I feel like I am contributing to something that is greater than me. 

But that is only one day a week.

I am not fulfilling my duty as a man to be the provider for my family, and ever so slowly we go deeper into debt. Problems still arise with business of living.

Sigh...

Everyday I question God.

Sometimes I get angry.

Always I listen to Him.

Whenever I feel like I can't go on or that I would just like to give up, He reminds me that faith and trust in Him are the most important thing.

In a year I will look back on this and smile at the wonderful things God has done, but for now, I will continue on living my life in a way that is pleasing to God.

These are my "feelings"...they are mine alone...With God, I will prevail!

Run the race...what race?

We are back from Montana. We actually arrived home on Monday night, just in time for my daughter to go to her dance class. We spent the rest of the night unpacking the van and putting our goodies away. On Tuesday, I spent the majority of the day  laundering the clothes and getting caught up on a few errands that have plagued me for the last few months. I did read the kids a Bible story for bed, but I never read the Bible for myself...
But I'm back at it again today...

I make it sound like a hardship don't I.
Well, maybe some mornings it is.
I know how important it is though, and I know that distressed feelings about reading the bible everyday will soon fade away, so I keep at it as best I can.
It's actually not that difficult today. I woke up this morning with a good attitude and a joyful heart. That doesn't happen every morning though...
Back to the Radical Reformation Journey...Week 2 day 1

This mornings reading was about running the race as to win from 1 Corinthians 9  and  2 Timothy 4.
Here's the problem I have with that analogy. I have never been the fastest runner. I know that I will never win. That doesn't stop me from running, and doing my best, but it does affect my way of thinking. You see, I have always been a firm believer of emphasizing one's strengths instead of working on the weaknesses. Admit what you can't do and try to capitalize on what you can.
So, what do you do in this situation?
It's a metaphor that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around...

scanning...not reading

I didn't read yesterday...and I haven't read today yet either. It's not to say that I'm not going to read...bu that I haven't read yet. I've been pre-occupied. I thought I would use the computer for something else besides surfing the web. I spent all day yesterday and so far most of today scanning pictures. from 1995 up until 2002/03, we used film camera and had all our pictures developed. Therefore, I have a lot of pictures in photo albums and I thought it would be safe and handy to have them scanned into the computer.

So...that's what I have been doing... that and getting ready for our trip to Montana...that'll be tomorrow...
anyway...back to scanning...
I'll be back on the devotional book by Tuesday. That's when we get back.

Faith and courage

Day 6: How Radical am I willing to be? That's a pretty good question. Everywhere you read in the Bible, you hear about these radical people who do what seem to be impossible things. How on earth can I compare to these great men.
Then again, the Bible is also filled with ordinary men who do extraordinary things.
This is easier to comprehend... but am I capable of doing something extraordinary?

I don't know...I suppose it comes down to faith and courage.
Do I have enough courage to do those things that need to be done, and do I have the faith to trust God that will make it happen.
Faith and courage.
Where do I stand...
...the jury is still out!

check again tomorrow...

Day 4 and 5
I did read yesterday, but i became so busy that I didn't have time to write anything down. Of course, I did have reason...there's always a reason. It's 10:19 this evening and I just got home, so even now, I don't feel like typing much.
Tell you what, bear with me, and I will get back on track tomorrow. i don't want to fall behind like I did in October.
Until tomorrow...

What is brokenness?

Day 3 Acts 15:36-41; 2 Timothy 4:9-11
I don't know... I just don't know. I read today about brokenness and unless you have been broken by something, you truly don't know what brokenness is.
I have been broken before, before God. whenever I think about what He did for me, I am belittled and brought down to my knees.

but...
What if I am Mark?
What if I deserted someone and am having to prove myself?
I don't know how to respond!
What did Mark have to do to win himself back into Pauls good graces?
Maybe I will have to wait until tomorrow.


(you'll have to read the scriptures mentioned today to know what I am talking about...)

Expect the unexpected.

Day 2.
I read Luke 24: 13-35 today. It's the story of Jesus, after the resurrection, appearing to two random men as they walk to Emmaus. These two guyss had no idea who they were talking too. They were pouring their heart to this stranger (Jesus) with broken hearts and broken dreams. They, like many others, were expecting the Messiah to deliver them from all of their troubles; to finally free Israel.
What a shock when Jesus finally reveals Himself.
What do I expect?
The plans that I have, (or more then likely, the plans I wish God would have for me) could be completely different then the actual plans God has for me.
I've been struggling with this for years. I know that God has blessed me (even amongst all of my failures).
So, what is the answer. Do I start looking for God in different places. That could be a start.
These two men didn't expect to find Jesus IN THEIR HOUSE.... breaking bread with them.
With that kind of attitude, it begins to open up a lot more possibilities.
I have been saying all along; look outside the box.
Expect the unexpected...

Great, now I sound like a big brother commercial!

Like a piece of glass

I received a couple of devotion books from a pastor in York PA. He's taking the church through a Radical Reformation Journey. I've been listening to is messages, so I asked if I and my family could go through it as well.
So, for the next 50 days, I will be studying the word through the radical reformation Journey.

Day one: What shape am I in.
Jeremiah 18:1-6

I have never seen a potter work on a wheel. Well, that's not entirely true; I did see it briefly when I was in school, but I was more interested in the trip away from school then I was in the reason for the trip.
But, what I have seen is a glass blower making a bowl. I watched him take out a blob of glass and blow it and shape it into a dog's watering dish, a beautiful addition to Fifi's table.
To watch him blow, roll, and shape this right before my eyes was something else. With precision, he formed it, as fragile as it was. He then took the excess glass and threw it back into the fire to make more.
I never pictured my life as clay or glass much before. I have sung the songs...but to actually imagine yourself being molded; somehow it doesn't compute. In reality, it is our experiences that shape us. How I respond to something will help me determine how I will respond in the future. Combine that with our faith and who God is, and we can get a better understanding of how He shapes us. He takes what we know, teaches us his way so that when experiences come, we can react to them in a way that is perhaps more pleasing.
He allows His word and His Holy Spirit to change our way of thinking. If we continue to trust that His way is the Best way, He then transform us from the inside out. Our insides get molded, and the if we let it, the outside (our actions) begin to change as well.
Easy to say..tougher to do.

How am I marred and what am I holding back?
I am too easily swayed by the old sinful nature. I know God's promises in my head, but I have a hard time putting them into practice. I hold back on EVERY good thing that comes into my mind because I am too afraid of what people will think of me if I carry them out.
Am I willing to let God mold me?
I have always been willing. I feel like I am that extra piece of glass, always being thrown into the fire to be molded. Sometimes I turn out beautiful, but at the last minute, there's a flaw and back into the fire I go.