Don't cut me off! (Galatians 5)

Have you ever been cut off. You’re just driving down the road and ‘wham’, someone cuts you off. It’s an aggravating feeling. It’s like being defiled in some way. At first, you look ahead and the road is clear, then, from out of nowhere, some car pulls right out in front of you. Although when you’re driving, you can only plan ahead as far as you can see, but there is still a plan in your mind: forward until the stop sign, then left…resume plan after the turn…when someone pulls out in front of you, you have to recalculate your plan. No longer can we see the straight path before us. The reaction is instant frustration. Someone has messed up my plan for the next minute. Now imagine if that happens over and over again. Our frustration becomes anger and rage. When someone cuts us off, we get an immediate emotional response.
Paul writes in chapter 5 of Galatians; You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth. Oh that doesn’t happen to me…yeah right! I’m a sucker for a well laid out doctrine. Sometimes tradition in the church is what I crave. Maybe I like the way the song service is or how the preaching comes across. All of the people that are in leadership, and some who are not, are cutting in the way.
Whoa…don’t get me wrong… I appreciate those in leadership. I desire to be in leadership. People that hold a leadership role in the church have a great responsibility. It is their job to teach and to guide and to show us how to be Christian. But it can be these same people that can cause us to stumble.
Whenever I teach, I always urge my ‘students’ to NOT take my word for it. We should be backing everything we hear with words from the Bible. That is the amazing thing about the Bible. No matter where we are, or what Bible we have in our hand, the word of God is always the same.
I am going to do my best to A: not cut anyone off and B: not be allowed to be cut off.
What is it that I need to do to accomplish these things.
The Bible says we are to be slow to speak and slow to become angry. Planning things is a good thing, but when our plans start to rule our life, then we need to turn to God and ask for His wisdom to guide us.

Can I love all my neighbors? Galatians 4-5

When Paul was preaching to the Galatians, he wasn't pulling any punches. He went in with both guns blazing. It would have been a sight to see. Can you imagine someone telling you to "go and emasculate yourself"!
But we're not far off. Although he went and preached in the name of Jesus,there are those around us that preach for another cause. They tell us how wonderful something is and it takes our eyes off of Jesus.
I wonder what it looks like to love your neighbor? Paul mentions this commandment in this book. How do we do it? Of course, neighbor isn't just the person living beside you, it is everyone around you. It is hard to love your neighbor sometimes. But when I think about what God has called me to do, loving my neighbor is quite important. It is easier to love when they are kind and gentle, or show other qualities that I can relate to. It may be a stepping stone, to first love those around you that you can easily love; a test maybe. then we can grow to love those around us that are not easy to love.
I had better get started then...it takes work sometimes. fortunately, I know what's coming up in the next half of Galations 5.

Abba father ? (Galations 4)

I knew Galatians would be a good book, I've read it before. I read chapter 1 and 2, it was ok, got a little information from them. I read chapter 3 twice trying to find something good ( I know..it's all good...but trying to find something good for me at the moment)...nothing. I started reading chapter 4 and I didn't get past verse 7.
" Because you are sons, God sent the spirit of his son into our hearts, the spirit who calls out Abba Father".
At first I didn't quite know what this meant". After all, Abba... am I supposed to start singing "Dancing Queen" or "Take a Chance on Me". Ok, maybe not that kind of Abba. But what does it mean?
according to the encyclopedia, Abba means father... but more affectionately, like papa or daddy. Jesus used the word Abba when he was praying before the crucifixion.
ok, I'm getting a thought... what is spirit? According to the dictionary, spirit is the vital principle or animating force within living things.
Lets put it all together, God sent the spirit of his son into our hearts, the spirit of Jesus, the animating force living within him, into our hearts, my heart, your heart, the heart of everyone who believes. God Sent his spirit the same spirit that was in his son, the same spirit that cried out to God during the crucifixion, to me.
That same spirit still cries out to the father "abba father". This same spirit keeps calling me back from the abyss whenever I recognize sin in my life.

If I quiet my mind and learn to trust in Him, then maybe I will be able to hear the spirit calling out to God.
Now I'm not into mystical stuff, I know that Spirit communicates USUALLY through a still small voice, in the back of my head, wanting to get out and scream...but do i hear it. Can I hear it?
Yes, I think so. When I am down, God lifts me up and I feel closer to Him; more affectionate. I cry Abba Father...but in my own words I suppose.
Praise God...Abba Father.

Where is the joy? (Galatians 2)

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
This verse has going through my head ever since I read it this morning. I've been reading it and reading it trying to figure it out. It doesn't seem difficult.
Does it mean that I have died in some way? I am trying to remember what life was like before I knew about Jesus. Partying, drinking, swearing, self centered that was my life before. A part of me did die I guess. But why do I continue to resurrect the old me? I don't know if the self centered part of me ever left. There have been times when I do things solely for others, but it seems like those times are so far away. The desire is there, but I believe I have grown bitter and hard. You know it's time to move when you lack the concern for the well-being of those around you.
It's hard to explain, well, not really. I used to care a lot about those around me, but lately, I just don't care. That's not very Christ-like.
How do I change my attitude towards the people around me. What did Paul do. He was persecuted in several places. After he was beaten and thrown out, did he go back into the city and preach the gospel?
I haven't been physically beaten, but emotionally, I am dying inside and I don't like it.
If Christ lives in me, I can imagine what the battle is like. Christ on one side, wanting to do good and care for the people; me on the other side, frightened and alone, cowering from the ones who hurt me. Who's winning?
I should concede, after all Christ died for me, the least I can do is let Him live through me. The fear of more pain holds me back.
Where is the joy?

What happened to spontaneity? (Galatians 1)

So, I finished reading 2 Corinthians and thought that I might as well continue moving through the NT. I started to read Galatians. I read chapter one and I came across some interesting passages, but when I didn't get any ideas to write on, I began reading the study notes at the bottom and the introduction at the beginning. This is what I found...
Paul was writing to Judaizers, Jewish people who were converting to Christians. But, they had trouble. they were comfortable with the law and the legal practices they had been doing. They were also excited about Christianity and being saved by grace. They had decided to combine the two. What you get is a gospel that is messed up.
Tradition! Grace! Sounds like the church to me. I can think of many people that like to stick with tradition. some people like to call it order, but the fact of the matter is, we get stuck in tradition. We do the same things over and over again. It's easier that way. What happened to spontaneity? Did Paul plan out every message when he visited the churches?
I believe the church is so afraid that something out of the ordinary will happen, and are we prepared for that. What if someone argues the gospel in church? What if the Holy spirit moves through the people and revival breaks out? We would lose control of the service, and we might not be out in time for lunch. I recently watched "Chisel" from the skitguys on Tangle.com. It reminded me that in some ways, I am always trying to keep some sort of control in my life. I get stuck in tradition and I do the same things that I have been doing for years. It is hard to completely let go and let God control my life. Granted, i think i am getting better, but I believe I have a long way to go.

2 Corinthians 11-12

I don't know what to think after reading 2 Corinthians 11-12. Paul is laying out his heart here, trying to get the Corinthian church to understand a little of what he has gone through. I respect that. It may come across as a little arrogant at first. After all, he does sound like he's boasting a little; but he's not really boasting. He is trying to be transparent, sharing with them his hurts and struggles. He reminds them that he is human, but that God has protected him and carried him through many struggle. He is confident in what he is doing because he is confident in God.

Stormy Weather? (2 Corinthians 10)

I am preoccupied this morning. We arrived home last night at around 6:30 pm. We managed to survive one of the scariest storms I had ever been through. We were coming home from Prince Albert, just south of Moose Jaw, when we saw the sky darkening before us. We knew right away that it was probably storming in Mossbank. We continued on, getting closer to home and watching the lightning flashes getting bigger and brighter. As we near Ardill Hill, we are suddenly blasted with rain and hail. Blasted isn't a big enough word; we were pummeled, surrounded, dumped on,etc etc. The wipers coudn't keep up; it looked like a fog or sheet of water. Imagine turning on the faucet at full blast, and that being all around you. We pulled over to the side to await the passing of this angry storm. I then noticed that we were at the top of Ardill Hill...remember the lightning! So I said to my wife "We have to move". She looked at me, and then we both looked outside and we both knew that we weren't going anywhere until this passed. Then something strange happened, the hail started hitting my door window. I started to panic a little because hail isn't supposed to go sideways.
That is when I started to pray. I couldn't even formulate words in my head with the rain and hail pounding down and the thunder moaning in the distance; flashes of lightning can be seen from every window. But I prayed.
Of course we made it through, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this.
All of the plans and ideas that I had for my family and myself had flashed through my mind during that brief 10 minute storm. I think I knew in the back of my mind that everything was going to be OK, but the thought of my life either ending or changing in a dramatic way was first and foremost. Fear had gripped me, but it wasn't what I expected.
I don't know what I was expecting. But I prayed!
Now I read 2 Corinthians 10 this morning, but I hope to get to it a little later. It seemed good, but my mind was preoccupied!

Am I a Joyful Giver? (2 Corinthians 9)

Strike while the iron is hot. That is the impression I get after reading 2 Corinthians 9. That may be the wrong phrase, but I never was good at remembering clichés. Paul writes to the church and reminds them of the good stories he has heard and has been sharing with everyone he meets. It sounds like Paul doesn’t want to be embarrassed by the church if the stories he has been sharing turn out to be false. That kinda would be embarrassing. We face that all day long though really. We place expectations on people, events, places, and we share those expectations with others. Sometimes we get disappointed. But, that’s not even what I was thinking about…back to the hot iron thing.
He reminds the people to give the gifts they have prepared to give while it is still fresh in their hearts. That way they can give with a generous spirit. Then, I get the feeling, that if they wait, it no longer becomes a generous gift.
That is so true. I have felt that. If I think about something too long, I can always find a way to talk my self out of it, especially if it is going to be a sacrifice for me.. It’s a fact! Why is that? Who makes the decisions for me? Is it my evil desire creeping back, or is it Satan trying to take away the joy of giving? Is it both? I think it is. We have the desire to do good, but we also have the desire to be selfish. We want what we want and we want it now. That’s why Tim Hortons has become so popular. If I want a hot coffee, I don’t even have to get out of the car to get it, and chances are, I wont have to wait longer than 5 minutes. It’s instant gratification. All drive thru’s are like that; ice cream, hamburger, CORN; almost everything is instant.
So, when it comes to our desires, or our “possessions”, we have a hard time giving them up (this includes our finances). But, God has given us a generous spirit, the desire to give. What a battle that can be in our minds… it’s mine…not it’s yours…aaarrghhh!
When we are given the desire to give, we have to give while the idea is fresh, while the iron is hot. We don’t want to talk ourselves out of the gift that God has placed in our hearts to give.
Ok! I know there is an entire theological topic on giving. I know that everything we have, we have because God has allowed us to have it. Sometimes that doesn’t seem to matter. We can justify ANYTHING if we think about it long enough. For right now, these are the thoughts racing through my head!
And yet, I praise God through it all!

Can I be accountable? (2 Corinthians 8)

How many times have you heard in church that there is a problem with the amount of tithing that is happening or not happening. It's always " we have a budget and we're not bringing in enough money to make the budget", so there is always a pleas to the congregation to give more money. " It's biblical" they always say, and they try to guilt us all into giving more. Well, It is biblical,we are told to support the saints and tithe. It even has an example where a priest gave 10 percent of his earnings. God told Cain and Able to give their best. We are told that we are to give generously and with a glad heart.
OK, so this we have heard time and time again.
But, listen to what I read in 2 Corinthians 8: What is more, (Titus) was chosen by the churches to accompany us as we carry the offering, which we administer in order to honor the Lord himself and to show our eagerness to help.We want to avoid any criticism of the way we administer this liberal gift. For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men.

Titus was sent to lead the church in Corinth. He essentially was their Pastor. He was told to go with Paul so that he may see first hand where the offering was going. That way, he may go back and share with the Corinthian church that money they gave went where it was supposed to.
How often does that happen to us. It is biblical that we be aware of the financial responsibilities of the church. I don't know about you, but I would have an easier time giving if I knew where the money was going. I don't feel good giving money to a church when the money is being wasted on something that is not important.
Hmm... A glimpse here... why don't more churches take this approach.
Some churches make the financial statements readily available; why are not more people looking at them. And, are the financial statements enough. Should we have a detailed account of where the money is going.
Just a thought.
If I was receiving money from someone that was meant to glorify God, wouldn't I want the other person know how that money was spent! If we want to purchase the extras, shouldn't we come up with other ways to make money for those little extras. Money designated for the saints should be used for just that purpose; the saints.
I can't see it happening though!

Do I boast about the church? (2 Corinthians 6-7)

Ok, so I finally finished chapter 6 and started on chapter seven. There is a passage in chapter 6 that I don't really believe in. Perhaps that's the wrong phrase, how about this; I can't really stand behind or preach about. Paul talks about how we are not to be yoked with unbelievers. If I didn't yolk myself with a believer whilst I was an unbeliever, I wouldn't have become a believer. (for more on that, you would have to check out the website under "Michael's story".
But onward and upward...Here I am on chapter 7 and something caught me dead in my tracks. Paul writes that he boasts about the church in Corinth. I didn't think that was so important. It probably isn't really, he also right elsewhere that we are to boast in the Lord. That is easier because at least the Lord doesn't let you down. Boasting in the church is sometimes difficult, because once you're in, and you see all of the difficulties and church politics that happen behind the scene, the last thing you want to do is boast in the church. The church can sometimes become an embarrassment. I am trying to think of what the draw was that brought me to church. Why do we stay in dysfunctional churches. I would have to say the people. The same people that cause dysfunctions in the church are the same people that we go and see Sunday after Sunday. It's a catch 22 really. Sometimes, you can't always judge a book by it's cover.
It's hard to concentrate this morning, in a good way. we are visiting friends in Prince Albert, and although it seems their house is always busy, it's a good busy. Maybe for them, it may get stressful at times, I can only imagine, but they always open their house to friends. It has been encouraging. I have been trying something new. Paul put the concerns of other first, I want to do that. I am not going to discuss my problems in a negative manner. It's not about me. I have been focusing on me long enough. Everything I say will be positive and uplifting this weekend...lets see how it goes!

Am I invisible? (2 Corinthians 6)

Transparency! that is the word I am thinking of this morning. I read 2 Corinthians 6, well, only half of it. I had to stop and think about what was being written on the page. Paul talks about his hardships; all of the struggles that he has been through. He wasn't doing it in a braggart sort of way, he was gently sharing his heart to the people. He also reminded them how much he cared for them.
That really shook me up for a second. I have been trying to live a transparent life, the problem is, I live in a place where I seem invisible anyways. There is a difference between transparency and invisible. I want to be open and honest with people, but I don't see that many people to be open and honest with. Being a stay at home dad can be trying at times. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy it for the most part, but the loneliness comes crashing in on you from time to time. I end up emailing strangers in an effort to combat the loneliness and seclusion I feel. I suppose it's my fault. I could be going down to the coffee shop and chatting with the 'guys'; or driving out to the farm and helping out; but feel as though I have nothing in common. I can small talk up a storm, but when I start talking spiritual, all i get is a blank stare, so it's back to small talk.
What is it that I am not doing right?
I don't know yet, but I hope and pray that with God's help, He will show me. I want to be used, not left on the shelf and forgotten.

(2 Corinthians 5-6:2)

Did you ever receive a present that you didn't quite know what to do with. Maybe it would have been suitable if you had received it 10 years ago, or maybe it just doesn't suit your personality. Whatever the case is, you have it, you can't get rid of it, and it just doesn't belong. Paul says " As God's fellow workers, we urge you not to receive God's grace in vain". What a profound statement. I wrote about God's grace a little while ago, how it was a gift that we didn't deserve. But what happens when we receive it and don't know what to do with it. We put it on the shelf and pull it out every Sunday. It's sad to think that people do that, but they do, all over the world, and every Sunday!
This is a really good chapter in 2 Corinthians. It mentions how we are new creations in Christ; How Christ became sin so that we may share in God's righteousness; and again how we are ambassadors " as though God were making his appeal through us".
There really is a lot of meat in this passage, I'm going to have to chew on it a little more.

Am I living like Jesus? (2 Corinthians 3-4)

We are living examples of the life of Jesus. I've heard that before. It's simple really, we are to model our life after the life of Christ. Hey...no problem! I mean, after all, we are the perfect and holy son of God, so living like Him shouldn't be a problem. We have the power of God at our fingertips so when problems arise, we can zap them away.
I'm not trying to be disrespectful, just stating a point that goes through our minds when we hear the term "live like Jesus lived".
In the passage I read this morning, I caught a glimpse into what it must be like to live like Jesus lived. Listen:
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."
This passage made me think that living a life like Jesus lived may not be that far off. I deal with problems all day long. I struggle with life just like everybody else, whether they believe in Christ or not. What is my natural tendency when problems present themselves? I want to grumble and complain, that's what I want to do. Then I want to fix the problem. I want to make the problem disappear and get on with living. Where is God in all of those "I wants" that I just mentioned. When Jesus had a problem, He went to the Father immediately. He prayed and asked God what to do. HE WAS GOD, yet he prayed to God.
"We face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered. (but) in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
The way we deal with the negative situations in our lives help us to 'learn' what it is like to live like Jesus. People will see this.
I am definitely going to have to come back to this, because I know that the way I deal with things could use some improvements.
Here's hoping...maybe even a little praying!

Am I in control? (2 Corinthians 1-2)

I still serve an amazing God. He gives me the strength I need to keep moving forward. It's nothing mystical or supernatural...well maybe a little supernatural because He is God. But when I start feeling down about my circumstances or if I am unsure of my future, God will always do something to encourage me. He knows what's going to happen before it happens, and He knows what I am going to read before I read it. I was extremely encourage last night by an email I had received. It lifted my spirits up. I thought about it and prayed about it all night. And then when I woke up this morning to read the Bible, I came across this passage:
"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we may comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God".
In a word: Comforting! I think Paul is trying to tell us something...or perhaps it's God trying to tell me something through Paul.
And even further in the passage, I learn something else new...and believe it or not, I didn't find it in the actual Bible. It was in the title of the section that the NIV study Bible has.
It simply states "Paul's change of plans"
We have had it in our minds of what we want for our lives, but as I read this simple heading, I am reminded of passage " many are the plans of a mans heart, but God directs his step". I don't even know where that passage is found; I am really bad at addresses.
This morning I have a new hope. My hope has always been in Jesus. I know in my heart that my faith is strong, but in my mind, it has other plans; plans to do it all on my own.
I need to let God drive my life more. I NEED to get out of the drivers seat for awhile.

Am I being corrupted? (1 Corinthians 15-16)

"Don't be misled, bad company corrupts good character".
Did you know that? And it's not just bad company, although I think that probably has the most impact on us. It's also bad television, bad movies, bad internet, bad habits, the list can go on. All of these things get inside of our head and it's hard to get them out. For the trained eye or ear, sometimes we can tune these things out without thinking twice, it's as though they don't exist. but when you are constantly bombarded with voices and images of corruption, it's difficult to ignore.
So we should all become hermits, living in the forest on a remote island of the coast of Vancouver; living off the land and raising goats.
Yeah, maybe that would work...
Except, that;s what Adam and Eve had... and it still didn't work for them.
We are already sinful, the desires to sin are already within us. all these other outside forces do is to encourage us to sin more.
It's so easy to blame others for the sins that we ourselves commit. Granted, Satan is the great tempter, encouraging us to sin everyday. We need to take responsibility for the junk that we do.
Every time we avoid sin, there should be a little victory. We have overcome sin for the moment. Take heart... for God is with us all to get us through the times when sin becomes to unbearable.

Am I so blind? (1 Corinthians 14) This has nothing to do with what I read!

I keep thinking about what a good day I had yesterday. My wife was looking after someones children, and I didn't want to stray too far in case she had trouble, so I took the Oldest and we went outside and played. We PLAYED, something that we haven't done in a long time. We spent most of the day just doing stuff! It was really nice because it got my mind off of the problems I have been having with people and with the church. It's funny how important church is in my life. It's as though my life centers around it. That's good I suppose, since this is what I feel called to do for the rest of my life.
I am trying to remember if I had this much trouble with the last church I attended. I seem to recall that I did, but for very different reasons.
Is it because I get too involved in the church and not so involved in what God is doing in the church?
But what is God doing in the church? I can stand back and look at my old church, and I can see God at work through his people. When I was in the middle, I couldn't see what God was doing. Mind you, even at the place where we are now, I couldn't see God at work since we have been here, before I was involved. He must be here though right?
How is it possible that we become so blind to the workings of God in His church?
I aim to find out?

Why am I so desperate? (1 Corinthians 11-13)

This is silly really, and as soon as I say it, you'll know why... I purchased a ticket for the lotto max draw for Friday. I didn't win of course, I knew I wouldn't, but there was a slim chance. I put my hope in the lottery instead of God. It seems that when we are desperate, we will resort to desperate measures. Why am I so desperate? I want my life to change so bad, that I will do almost anything to accommodate that change. There is always the justification that maybe this is what God wants, or I'll tithe if I win... but in the end it's just me trying to make myself feel better.
I don't feel better. I feel worse. The more I blog, especially about how I feel, the worse I feel. I feel so much Discontent! Even today, I read 2 great chapters in 1 Corinthians, and I come away with a 'blah' feeling. I shouldn't be feeling blah... I should be rejoicing in God's word.
God, help me to be joyful again and to rejoice in your word. I want to feel passion again for the thing you have created me for.
Amen

Why am I Jealous? (1 Corinthians 10)

Good stuff today...lets see if I can talk my way through it...
First of all, Paul talks about learning from our past...well, Israel's past. They were told what to do and what not to do, and when they severely disobeyed, God disciplined them. Therefore, we shouldn't do what they did...OK...
He then writes...and this is a good one, a passage that everyone should remember... No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it...
So, this is what happens when I am tempted... God will speak to me or show me or do something to remind me that the thoughts that I am thinking are sinful. The problem is, the desire becomes so great that I ignore it. I know that God always provides a way out... but do we as Christians take that way... or do we carry on the destructive road we are traveling. I have talked about this before... so I am not going to go into it so soon after. To remind myself, I actually go back and reread my previous entries. it's like looking at photographs...I know that God is with me by the things that I type and it lifts me up.
Which is good, because today I am down...
It happens.
Anyway....on to the next verse that caught my attention.
Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial; everything is permissible but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good but the good of others.
Right now, I am so focused on the good of my self and my family that I can't even see past my own nose. I am unable to recognize the good of others. This is new for me. I am usually one who always looks for the good of others, but I have become so jaded and hard in the last year. I don't like who I have become. So, in a desperate attempt to change my circumstance, I have looked inward instead of outward.
I recognize it, but am unable to change it.
I was reading last night about how the churches of southern Ontario are working together to clean up after the tornado. This made me jealous. WHY, because I want that. I want to be there helping to clean up, praying for those that have lost their homes, working together with other believers...Am I being selfish?
I prayed myself to sleep last night. I am desperate. And I feel alone.
I remember sharing my loneliness a few weeks ago. I know that I am not alone, because there are many people who are dealing with similar situations right now. But in my situation, I feel alone...
And then I feel sad...
sigh.
I pray that in a year, I can look back on this as a growing experience... I know that I will... it will be "remember when..." and I will be able to show and share God's amazing love and compassion for his people...
But right now I stand at the precipice...waiting for God to show me what to do next?
I am faithful because I serve a faithful and trustworthy God.

What compels me? (1 Corinthians 8-9)

I wonder what happened to my attitude towards the church. Even my attitude towards people is different. I am not as happy as I once was. I am trying to figure it out. I read the passage in 1 Corinthians 9; "When I preach the gospel I can not boast for I am compelled to preach"
That seems like a long time ago. I think the last time I was compelled to preach was last fall. That seems to be when all this junk happened. Christ compels me to keep moving, but my effort and desire are suffering.
It feels like I have shut myself down to prevent any more things from going wrong. If I was a car, all of my cylinders wouldn't be firing; just enough to keep me moving. It may be at a snails pace, but moving none the less.
When we were traveling, We encountered so much newness that this feeling never happened; at least not to this extent. I would like to call it decompression. I thought maybe depression, but I'm not depressed. It just feels like the air has been let out.
And yet, when I think about the prospect of serving in a different church in a bigger center where all of our needs (and most of our wants for that matter) can be met, I get excited. The thought of serving in a different environment compels me to move forward at a greater rate. But is it from God?
That is the age old question, the one that I continue to battle with. Is it my selfishness that keeps me going, or is it God's will for my life!...Especially when nothing seems to be happening.
I am fully aware of God's timing. not much happens before it is supposed to happen.
One of these days, I am going to have a different type of blog, one where God shows me great and mighty things instead of me sitting here looking for answers.
Mind you, all of these questions that I am typing, I receive from the Bible. Something in the Word of God makes me question things, good or bad. And if I ever forget, I quickly turn back the blog and reread those special things that God has shown me in the past.
...For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord....
If I keep saying it, Soon I will believe it!

I need to vent!

I needed to move this from our website to here...

I need to vent!

I am so angry that I am vibrating... and I don't even know why! I just recieved a phone call from a dear brother in Christ who was upset with me. He started going on about how I didn't value him as a Christian man. He assumed the worst of me because He had called and left a message, and I didn't get the message.

I don't blame him. He did the right thing. As a matter of fact, I am not even upset with him a little. We all make mistake and we all assume at some point.

I am angry because it got me thinking about everything else that happens in church.

We are living in a small town and attend a small church. This church was full of problems and division before we even got here and, somehow, we got stuck in the middle. We feel worthless and small. Most of the people in the church we get along with great, but some of the people make it known every Sunday how we are not welcomed and how what we say is meaningless.

Oh, it's not what they say, but it's their actions...looking away when I speak, not willing to talk when talked to...

Now I can't assume either... perhaps there is something going on in their lives as well... but when you witness their behaviour around others and long that they would act that pleasent to you...you know there is a problem.

Granted, I have made mistakes, and have tried to take responsibility for them. I have even apologized... but why, when I make a mistake, do people assume the worst.

Nobody knows what goes on inside my mind except me and God... so don't assume.

But when assumptions happen, it drives a wedge between people...and so that is how we feel.

I have never experienced this before...It feels like a deep seeded hatred. That may be a bit harsh, but it's my blog and these are my feelings.

I have been told to talk to these people... and I have... and although some progress was made, I question it's authenticity.

So here I am, stewing over things I cannot change and screaming out to God...HOW MUCH MORE!

I remember a time when people loved each other. I think of my old church, and all of the love they showed for one another. Sure there was some insincerity some time, but if anyone in the church had a problem, we rallied around that person to bring them out of the dumps. I have yet to see that here.

I don't know what God has planned for this church but I wish I did. There are some godly people here. There are people who long to see Christ lifted up, there are people who are growing, and there are people who are struggling. All of these things you will see in other churches. I want to see the church united, but at what cost.

I long to serve, but with the feelings of others so negative against me, that seems impossible.

So I vent. more for me than anything else...and even though the pastor and I (the pastor who has since resigned) had a rough patch, I still believe that he was the leader of the church. I long to talk to someone, but I have learned that I there is a very few whom I can trust.

That breaks my heart!

So I blog, and I read my Bible, and I seek answers from God... and If I can't find answers I desperately Google hoping I will find some deep insight into the life that God has for me.

I will no longer feel worthless... ( I say that hoping I can change my own mind)

I am God's masterpiece, created to do good works which he has already set in place for me to do!( this I know)

I will attempt to cast my cares upon him! (it's easier said then done)

I will serve God, because that is what HE has called me to do. I have NO OTHER DESIRE! ( sometimes this is all I know)

I will make mistakes, (This is a for certain) but I hope to have someone who will help me work through my mistakes instead of assuming the worst of me.

This is a chapter of my life that at present, I don't understand...but God says all things work for good for those who love Him.

OK...I feel better. I will continue to pray for the church...not only here but everywhere...I understand that Satan will use every opportunity to divide the church.

these people who we see evry Sunday are dealing with things that we don't know about, they have problems that we don't know about. We are all struggling with something. Can we love one another! Isn't that what the Bible says...isn't that what Jesus says is the second most important thing to do!

God does have a plan, and I don't know what that plan is. Perhaps that is a good thing because I would probably get in the way anyway.

God, Use me...Use this church....."If my people who are called by name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, then I will hear there prayers, forgive their sin and heal their land..."

I have been humbled...

Uninspired! (1 Corinthians 4-7)

The church in Corinth was messed up! Paul starts rambling on about sexual immorality and marriage. I mean, it's good information, but for the most part, it seems very contextual. I can see that if a man is sinning in the church and is urging others to do so as well, that man needs to be disciplined. I know Paul talks about this a little later. However, what he is talking about in chapter 4 in 1 Corinthians is very specific. I have a hard time applying these things to my life. I suppose, I will have to get a little deeper; I'm sure something is there.
Then he talks about marriage...whether to marry or not to marry. He actually suggests that we shouldn't marry; that way we will stay pure and true to God. I am happier being married then I ever was being unmarried.
There are some nuggets of truth to what he is saying in these three chapters....I just have to pick them out to use them...
I'm not very inspired this morning...It's not for lack of trying. The passage just didn't inspire me. Perhaps later, I will read a little more...

Are my motives pure? (1 Corinthians 4)

This is a brutal reminder for anyone who desires to be a leader in the church. I'm talking about 1 Corinthians 4. Paul writes about all of the hardships he and the other apostles have to face. I don't quite understand why he would write " imitate me". I suppose he is trying to give the people of Corinth a physical example of someone who follows Christ, but it still begs the question of why we should imitate him. I would rather imitate Jesus. Then again, they didn't have the New Testament. They didn't have the gospels to read and enjoy and follow what Jesus did. I know it wasn't long after this that the disciples wrote them, but they wouldn't have been copied and handed out at their kids Vacation Bible Schools.
This chapter also brings me back to my motives. Paul says that whatever he does, he does with a clear conscience. I wonder if he ever tried to force Gods hand. Let me explain, or may I don't have to...if we desire a change in our circumstance, and we feel like we are not getting a clear message from God (or maybe we just don't see it or understand it), do we try to make changes ourselves.
We desire a change, but we have no idea what to do to facilitate that change. We want to be true to our calling, but we don't want to wait too long.
Granted, God knows our thoughts and actions before we do. Is he pleased with what I am or am not doing? Should I be doing more or less? Which brings me back to the idea of a clear conscience. So far, most of the things I do I feel good about, but not everything. There have been times where I will try to force peoples hand to try to get what I want. I will say something or do something that will require a response. That is a selfish way to do something.
I desperately want to serve in a church where my entire family will feel comfortable and safe. I am also desperately wanting to move to a bigger center; someplace where we can live and be happy for a number of years; someplace that will help calm our wanderlust. I desire the best for my children, in school, in friendship, and for the future.
I desire to be the provider for my family, but I want it to be doing something that I love; serving Gods people.
With all of these things going on inside my mind, I can't help but desire to force Gods hand. As I type I know that it is impossible. As a matter of fact, God knows what's best for my family and for myself. The things I have in mind may not be the things God has in mind. But then again, Jesus says, when you ask God for good, he wont give you bad instead.( Matthew 7:9-11"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him) I guess I never really thought of that passage before this. God wants the best for me...plans to prosper and not to harm.
I still have the mentality that I want what I want and I will do anything to get it. I guess what I have learned today that if I want something, I should ask God with a clear conscience and pure motives...
God, please provide what you think is best for my family. Allow me to be the provider for their physical needs while encouraging them to look to you for their spiritual needs. Remind us often of your power and love that you have for us. Search my heart and renew my spirit so that I may come to you with a pure and clear conscience.
Amen

Am I building a firm foundation? (1 Corinthians 2-3)

I started reading this morning, but had a hard time concentrating on anything I read. It's no surprise really, this happens on a number of occasions; my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking about the Tornado that had struck Leamington ON. It's funny really, how a person can get so involved in a place they have never been; but this town has weighed heavily on my heart for the last 2 months.
I stopped at chapter 2, but felt compelled to read a little further. I then began to read chapter 3 as well and I came across this passage: "By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder". He then goes on to write that as teaches of God, we need to build upon that foundation with expertise, so that the building will stand the test of time.
the building in my opinion is our knowledge of God, and the building blocks are the word of God.
I am trying to think if I have ever "not" taught the word of God. Sometimes I teach it as I understand it, but am I understanding it correctly.
I had a conversation with a Christian man yesterday and I totally enjoyed myself. It was nice to discuss the things that are important to me with someone else who believes the same things I do. It doesn't happen as often as I like.
We discussed whether or not the Bible is black and white; we couldn't decide.
I explained my self like this, the Bible may be black and white; or a battle between right and wrong; good and evil; etc, but am I not. I am gray. I am a sinner, saved by grace. I am stuck in the middle. I like the idea of black and white, but how can I comfortably teach black and white.
The only thing I know for certain, and I have said this before and will probably say it again, is that Jesus Christ died on the cross so that i may live.
I don't claim to be an expert on anything. Every time I teach, I urge people to back up what I am saying with their own search of the scriptures. If I make a mistake, and someone shows me the errors of my ways, I will humbly accept it. I am not perfect, but I serve a perfect God.

Who do I want to be (1 Corinthians 1)

When I think about what my life was like before I knew Jesus and what it is like now, I am amazed. There is such a big difference that words cannot describe. it's as though I have been transformed into a new person. I still have the likeness of the old me, but the attitudes and actions are different.
I know, it sounds a little corny, but the more I think about it, the more I tend to agree that I am not the same person I was before.
In 1 Corinthians Paul writes "I always thank God for you because of his grace given you ion Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way - in all your speaking and all your knowledge - because our testimony about Christ is confirmed in you."
The words "enriched in every way" reverberate within my mind. It like I have been given super powers, or some performance enhancing drug. For some reason, I keep thinking of the show 'the six million dollar man'.
The guys legs and arm are replaced with bionic limbs that make him stronger and faster.
The things that I am willing to do now, I never would have done 14 years ago. I wouldn't of had the courage.
So, when stumble and fall into the 'sin trap', how could I be so stupid. Sin represents everything that I was, before I was saved. But after I was saved, it is no longer me that lives but it is Christ that lives in me.
Who do I want to be? do I want to be the weakling that struggles with sin everyday; the person that doesn't have the courage to move or breath some days, or do i want to be the six million dollar man.
I like me, the me I am now.
I don't like me when I sin.
I need to keep focused, so that I remember who I am. I am enriched with the power of the Holy Spirit. I am no longer regular me, I am super me.
I have a song in my head...bear with me if I get the words wrong...
"Turn your eyes toward Jesus
Look full in his wonderful face
and the things of this world will grow strangely dim
in the light of his glory and grace..."
Until tomorrow!

Am I in Control? (Romans 16)

"I urge you brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teachings you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. Everyone has heard about your obedience so I am full of joy over you; but I want you to be wise about what is good and innocent about what is evil. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet."
This passage was in the middle of Paul's final greeting, at the end of the book. Lots of questions have come to mind after I read this. First of all, who was causing divisions in the church? Were they in the church or outside of the church in Rome? It makes me question my motives sometimes. I have never questioned my calling, but what are my motives?
OK, let me look at some of the things I believe and are passionate about...
I love to teach others about the Gods word. Mostly believers, because they have an understanding of what I am teaching.
I love learning new things from God's word. It's in those time that God reveals to me the things I need to know; it's also the time when I get what I call 'glimpses of heaven'.
But... I am always skeptical when a new believer comes to know the Lord. I am cautious. I don't get excited like others do. I suppose it may have something to do with their reaction towards Christ. I had overwhelming joy, as far as I can remember. Since I felt joy, I expect everyone to show joy as well.
I have a low expectations of people. This is not a good thing, but more like a defense mechanism. If I don't expect much, I won't get disappointed and hurt.
My faith drives me forward, but my lack of knowing pulls me back. I think I may have a control issue. I want to know what's going on in my own life. I don't necessarily need to know what's going on in the lives of others, but I would like to be in control of my own destiny. AS A FOLLOWER of CHRIST, that is impossible. i need to give up control and let Jesus take the wheel... (now I have that song stuck in my head..)
The only problem I have with that is how much do I have to do? Do I have to do anything?
Yet another thing I am going to struggle with this morning!

Why worry? (Romans 15)

I am beginning to have a deeper respect for Paul as I continue to read Romans. I mean, I don't think I'll be having coffee with him any time soon, we don't exactly travel in the same circles, but I can appreciate what he did to share the message he was given.
My first view of Paul has always been that he comes across as a little arrogant. All things considered, he did have the right to be a tiny bit arrogant. He was a well educated man. Reading Romans has taught me that. He recites Old Testament scripture and then backs it up with the teachings of Jesus. And I know that back in the day, he didn't carry around a pocket Old Testament.
What I admire about it was that he wasn't afraid. He had the courage to do things and go places that would cause a weaker man to shake in fear. The part in Romans that caught my attention was that He was collecting money for the poor of saints in Jerusalem. He was going to send it back personally to make sure that it was put into the right hands. Except, He wasn't quite sure what was going to happen to him once he got there. He might even be thrown in jail or worse. That didn't seem to stop him.
I know that if that was happen to me, It would definitely slow me down. If I was going to be persecuted in a country, why would I go there? What's the point?
It kinda makes my problems seem small.
I know that God cares about my problems. Cast your cares upon him, the Bible says, but how often do I take them back.
And, by worrying about my problems, am I adding a single day of life. As a matter of fact, by worrying about them, we take away from our life. The joy that we should be feeling in a life with Jesus has been taken away and replaced with worry.
That doesn't seem fair, but that is what happens. And by my worrying, does anything change. Things are going to happen the exact way that God has planned and designed. It would do me good to remember that.
Paul didn't worry, well maybe he did, but he didn't let it change the things he knew he had to do.
So, I say to my self, why worry?

What can I do to prevent Judgement? (Romans 13-14)

I read from the NIV study Bible. I love it because if I don't quite understand something, I can go to the notes below and it will usually explain it to me. If there isn't a note, I will then go to the scripture cross indexing section, and look up other passages that say the same thing.
I was reading Romans 13 and 14 and came across this passage that stopped me dead in my tracks.
"So then, each of us will have to give an account of himself to God". I have always struggled with this passage because, lets face it, I have done and said some pretty stupid things. Explaining these things to my wife, mother, and kids is hard enough. i can usually adjust my tone or attempt to make myself look better in light of the stupid things I do. But, when coming face to face with God, and having Him See right into my soul, I won't be able to fake it.
So, what do I do, I start looking for the answer in the study notes.
It says NOTHING. Next I go to the cross reference section...look up Matthew 12:36
"But I tell you that men will have to give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken". Great, I think to myself, it says the same thing...what do the study notes say...
Nothing.
My nest step...Almighty Google...
Alright, one commentary says this : )Every careless word) if not forgiven, and repented of, must be accounted for.
But I did find this... It is a good chart describing the difference between salvation and rewards (which essentially is what we are talking about): Romans Chapter 14 Commentary, and I am reminded that there is no condemnation to those that are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1)
I think that I am still going to struggle with this one for a bit. I think God, in his divine wisdom, will have to explain it to me better than my little mind can comprehend.
Some day?

Is it right to feel guilt? (Romans 2 and 12)

Here's a thought; is guilt necessary? If we doing something wrong, should we feel guilty? If we do something wrong, we ARE guilty, but what measure of guilt should we feel. Without guilt, there is no repentance.
I was reading through the list of "wrong doings", for lack of a better word, in Romans 2 again last night. So many things listed that I am guilty of doing at some point in my life, even in some point last week.
But I have been trying to work through the concept of sin. Sin is hard to get away from. it is possible because Jesus did. Granted, I'm not Jesus. I am created in his image though. There was and is only one perfect man and that was HIM. He had all of the emotions known to man, but He chose to use love the most. Jesus thought about the one thing that was the most important to him, obeying His Father. He stayed focused.
OK, I have noticed that if I focus on one thing, like laundry or yardwork, it's difficult to think of anything else. why should living a Christian life be any different.
I will still have the tendency to sin because I am a sinner, but the desire will be less if I keep focused. It sounds easy when I type it out, so why is it so hard to live it out?
I strayed off topic for a second. I was talking about guilt. What do I think about guilt? I think that guilt is necessary. What would or lives look like if we focused all of out thoughts on guilt? It would be easier to sin again, that's for sure. We already feel guilty, what's a little more guilt heaped on the pile. Guilt will draw us away from God. We don't want to feel the guilt but are unable to give up the guilty lifestyle. The feelings of guilt will make our lives miserable because guilt is the opposite of joy. Yet, without guilt we will never change. Guilt drives us to be better. It educates us on the effects of right and wrong.
I should feel guilt, but I should not focus on it. I need to think about it just enough to know how to repent from the sin and then turn away from it, never having it return again. If it does return, then I didn't think about the effects of guilt long enough and I will have to revisit it. Maybe this time the guilt will be stronger, which it should be.
Lord, help me to focus my thoughts on the important things. Love, repentance, forgiveness, patience, joy, understanding. These are the things I believe you were talking about in Romans 12 from yesterday. Renew my heart and transform my mind.
Amen

How do I live? (Romans 12:9-21)

This is what I read this morning:
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When I was reading yesterday, I glanced across this passage. I knew it was going to be an important passage, one with some meat on it, so I left it until today.
I have written in my Bible "Rules for Christian Living"; probably from a sermon I heard at one time.
This passage has given me lots to think about for today.
One of the things that I am OVERCOME by is how easily our thought process can change. One day we can be happy and joyful, excited to live out our salvation, but the next day we are struggling with sin. I suppose, it's not all our fault. Lets face it, if we are happy, we are bound to be more effective in whatever we do. Satan knows that. He also knows where we are the weakest. That will perhaps be our greatest downfall. It says in this passage several times:
"hate what is evil"
"do not repay anyone evil for evil"
"do not be overcome by evil"
Sin is evil; Sin originates in us because we are sinners; Satan loves sin but God hates sin; Satan says do it and tempts us in many ways; God says don't do it tells us why; Satan says it's life to sin; God says sin is death.
These rules for Christian living are powerful yes, but they do leave room for our humanity. We can't be perfect, and God knows that as he writes this through Paul. "As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone". That gives me room to move as far as sin is concerned. I am not going to love everyone, not if I'm being honest, but I need to try. As long as it depends on me...
Another thing I believe i should try is this, replace evil with good. I never thought of that before; probably because when I am tempted to sin, I get selfish and want what I want. I can't think of anything else. If I replace those thoughts with an action that is good, perhaps that will change my focus; or at least change it enough to prevent me from sinning. My thoughts are disjointed today. there's too much meat!
I may need to come back to this again!